Muneer A. Rasheed's
"3 Keys To Unlocking a Conflict"

I found out early in life that the 3 Keys to unlocking a conflict are much like unlocking a combination lock.

Having the right combination or formula enables you to open the lock.

From what I have gathered most if not all locks work on the principle of...

Right (R) Left (L) Right (R)

The First of "The Three Keys"

(R)ealize that other people may perceive reality differently than you.

Life experience, education, family, friendships, culture, ethnicity etc., all contribute to some degree in forming how we view and function in the world.

Understanding first that you will have to listen to the other person's perspective to see how they view the situation.

This will in turn set you on the process of unlocking the conflict when dealing with individuals or groups.

Example: You notice that Bob appears annoyed when you make suggestions.

This is displayed through sighs or visual cues.

You…?

The second of "The Three Keys"

(L)eave the area that is perceived to be his or your turf.

Find a neutral place where the two of you can openly discuss the situation.

Ideally, this would be away from others, whose presense will only serve to exacerbate the situation.

(They are the ones who throw fuel on the fire!)

If Bob is busy when you want to discuss things, provide

alternative times (onsite or offsite) that he may find workable.

Example: Bob has time:

You: Hi Bob, do you have a few minutes to talk?

Bob: Sure.

You: Bob, I could be mistaken, but there seems to be a problem between us. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this.

Example When Bob doesn’t have time:

You: Hi Bob, do you have a few minutes to talk?

Bob: No, I’m busy right now.

You: Okay; which time is workable for 10:00 or 2:00pm?

Bob: Neither. I’m really tied up today.

You: Can you suggest some alternative times; I’d really like speak with you. Perhaps we can meet over coffee/tea.

(By giving the person options, you increase your chances of securing a meeting!)

The Last of "The Three Keys"

(R)epeat what you heard Bob say during your conversation for your own clarity while providing the other person a chance to correct anything you heard that was inaccurate.

By working through a combination of sequences you should be able to unlock conflicts and start down the path of healing the relationship.

One must also take into consideration that some locks are rusty and may require time and additional skill to unlock them.

Some may be like Pandora’s Box and shouldn’t be opened.

In any situation you have to keep what Kenny Roger’s sang in his song the "The Gambler".

“You got to know when to hold them...Know when to fold them...Know when to walk away...and Know when to run”.

With that said you will discover that most conflicts you encounter are conflicts over musts and wants. We will address this in an upcoming article (Insha'Allah)

By the way...Take a look at (Click Here) Igor's advertisment, if you are interested in enhancing your personal persuasion skills!

Salaam

Muneer A. Rasheed

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